Greetings to all Mechwarriors, Moderatii, Jaeger Pilots, and depressed 14 year olds.
Here at Goonhammer we don’t do April Fool’s jokes. April Fool’s Day is the worst time – of an endless series of bad times – to be on the internet. It’s open mic night, populated entirely by the least funny hacks you’ve ever seen trying to overplay their moment in the spotlight, mixed with everyone else who got stuck doing Making The Obvious Joke from the chores list. It’s the one day of the year where Attempted Comedy feels like an obligation, and it’s usually about as fun as watching a dog get hit by a car. April Fool’s Day is corny as hell, is what I mean, and also: it sucks. Goonhammer chooses once again not to participate in this tradition, these Olympics of inflicting second-hand embarrassment on your audience. We have chosen a different path. The path of steel.
This week, many of our regular columns have been taken over by enormous robots, of all types. They’ve arrived mostly from anime or outer space, and many of them are buzzing around transforming into jets as we speak. Some are also haunted. There’s the ones you might be expecting, and a few surprises too. We can’t guarantee that this won’t be a big waste of your time, but it was definitely a big waste of our time, so know that you’re the real winner here regardless. We can say, at least, that we tried to maintain our usual standards, where every article has to be either informative and interesting, or Meatwatch.
MECHAHAMMER coverage will run through this week, and possibly longer if no one is able to stop me, protected as I am behind a layer of hardened armor and carrying a gun the size of a bus. If you can survive the endless swarms of micro-missiles and the beam sabers, you might just learn something.